Sunday, October 12, 2008
You can have love in every relationship and in every aspect of life. When you are upset, you lose your effectiveness and tend to make your situation worse.
(HealthNewsDigest.com) - Notice what happens when you get upset. You close down inside. You get tunnel vision and lose your ability to see clearly. All you can do is to fight, resist, hang on, or withdraw. This in turn, destroys love, fuels conflict, and makes your situation worse.
If you could somehow be free of the upset, the tunnel vision would disappear. You would see your situation clearly.
You would be creative, resourceful and able to discover solutions you could never have seen before. You would be very effective in handing your situation.
However, being free of an upset is much easier said than done. This is because we believe that upsets are caused by what happens, but they’re not. This is just an illusion.
Upsets are not caused by what happens. Upsets are caused by fighting and resisting what happens.
To see this in your life, select a recent upset. Now notice what would happen to the upset if, somehow, you were at peace with what happened. There would be no upset.
There would be no upset because the upset wasn't caused by what happened. The upset was caused by fighting and resisting what happened.
The moment you take away the fighting and resisting, the upset disappears. You restore both your peace of mind and your effectiveness.
Notice what would happen if someone spilled a glass of water on you. You would be wet, and you would be wet whether you liked it or not. Your being wet is like any other circumstance. It's something that happens outside of you. Your feelings about it are totally irrelevant.
Upsets, on the other hand, are located on the inside. Since an upset is something that happens on the inside, there has to be something on the inside that creates it.
We create our upsets by fighting and resisting what happens.
Let's go back to the water. If you were at peace with being wet, there would be no upset. If you fought being wet, you would be upset, and the more you fought it, the more upset you would be.
Notice that the upset has nothing to do with being wet. The upset can only exist if you are fighting being wet.
The same is true with all the circumstances of your life. Nothing has the power to create an upset in you. Only you can do that.
So why do we fight and resist what happens?
We fight what happens, because our circumstances trigger a suppressed hurt from the past. To say this another way, the circumstances strike a nerve.
This is why different people get upset at different things. Different people have different sets of nerves, or core issues, that get triggered.
This is also why the same type of upsets and the same self-sabotaging behavior keep showing up in your life. The same nerve keeps getting struck.
It's the automatic, subconscious avoidance of this hurt that fuels the conflict and sabotages both your relationships and your life.
Finding and healing these core issues is one of the most important things you can ever do. We’ll talk more about this later.
The information in these articles is valuable, but knowing it intellectually won’t change your life. Getting it in your heart will. That’s the purpose of our programs.
If you want to make a profound difference in your relationships, attend our workshops and make an appointment for individual support.